Frozen Tears
by Kelza
Summary: Zabuza realizes that he cares, and he wants Haku to know.  Who knew he could be so... human?
1. Chapter One

**Author's Note: **Hello to those of you who have stumbled across my work. I haven't done much creative writing or fanfiction in quite some time, so I would love both compliments and constructive criticism. I have a rough outline of how I want this story to pan out, and I'm almost done with chapter two (so proud!), but I can write better with your advice. Thanks! Happy reading!

**Disclaimers:** I don't own Naruto, obviously.

**Chapter Warnings: **Light Yaoi. The Mature rating on this fanfiction will come into play later with some things I have planned... tee hee.

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Haku glanced over at the prone figure on the bed. He closed his eyes and let out a tired sigh; the initial shock and horror he had experienced when he had found Zabuza close to death nearly a week ago had still not left his system. Seeing the older man so helpless had shaken him. If he hadn't arrived at precisely that moment… Haku shuddered, trying to suppress that unwelcome thought and the lump that rose in his throat when he considered how the battle could have ended. Zabuza had said he would be perfectly fine… yet being outnumbered four to one by elite ninja had not been expected. Those Anbu Black Ops obviously had a mission to assassinate Zabuza, and the older man might have come out relatively unscathed if it hadn't been for the unexpected poison that one Black Op had wielded. It had proven itself to be potent stuff too. Zabuza had hung on a fine line between life and death for a couple of days before he had stabilized. Haku hadn't slept during the entire ordeal.

Haku looked at the clock sitting next to Zabuza's bed. It was almost time for him to wake the older man for dinner. Zabuza suddenly shifted and let out a soft groan, commanding Haku's undivided attention. It appeared that Haku wouldn't have to wake Zabuza after all. Zabuza's eyes opened slightly and he settled his half-lidded gaze on the teenager sitting beside him.

"…Haku?" Zabuza rasped, his voice scratching painfully against his healing throat.

"I'm right here, Zabuza-san," Haku murmured gently, resting his hand lightly on Zabuza's arm. "It's time for you to eat and take your medicine."

Zabuza responded by turning his head away as Haku stood and moved to the small table a few steps away from Zabuza's bed, most likely mixing the medicine with his dinner. He _hated_ feeling helpless like this. He hated it even more that Haku was the only one willing and able enough to help him. And he hated it that he, a supposed heartless shinobi, trusted Haku enough to see him in this state. Haku had always been the younger, more innocent and naïve and… well, _dependent_ one. He was supposed to take care of Haku… not the other way around. Damn it all. This was why shinobi were always taught to suppress their emotions. The damn things got in the _way_. He cared too much about this effeminate young man and it was distracting him.

Zabuza spared another glance at the younger man who was standing a few feet away. The sun was beginning to set and its rays were shining off of Haku's loose, dark hair as he stood with his back to Zabuza near the open window. Obliviously, Haku turned his head and glanced outside, giving Zabuza a perfect view of the profile of his face. His skin seemed to glow in the sun as he paused in his work. A light breeze came through the open window and brushed against his face, causing a slight smile to touch his lips and eyes.

"Gods… so beautiful…," Zabuza whispered to himself, unknowingly voicing his thoughts as he blatantly stared at the younger man.

Haku turned suddenly, his hands occupied with a steaming bowl of what Zabuza could only hope to be a light soup that he could stomach. That had been the worst part of his recovery. He vaguely recalled emptying his stomach multiple times while he was in his most feverish state when Haku had first brought him back. Just another wonderful side effect of that fucking poison. That had been… humiliating… to say the absolute least. Yet Haku had simply murmured words of comfort as he wiped the older man's sweaty brow and supported his shaking limbs. Zabuza couldn't remember a single word of what Haku had said to him. He wasn't sure that he would have wanted to remember anyway. Haku was the sentimental type and it probably would have made Zabuza feel even more depressed and useless to have heard the soothing, loving words that Haku continually whispered in his ear.

"Zabuza-san…," Haku's soft voice snapped Zabuza from his thoughts, "What are you staring at?"

Haku subconsciously ran his fingers through his long hair after he set down the steaming bowl.

'Do that again…' Zabuza's thoughts pleaded. 'You don't even realize what you do to me…'

Zabuza moved his gaze from Haku and abruptly and deliberately stopped the flow of his unwanted thoughts.

"I wasn't staring at anything," Zabuza denied gruffly, opening his eyes and pointedly fixing his gaze on the bedspread. "You took too long to get my food."

A large part of Zabuza was beginning to hate his often impolite and blunt manner towards Haku. But, in his mind, it was best if Haku never knew how he felt towards him. It would only… complicate things, and he knew that, in the end, Haku would be the one at risk. It was best not to change anything. Wasn't it? Great, now he was beginning to doubt his own motives. What was the point?

"No need to be impolite, Zabuza-san, I have your food now. We'll have to cooperate if you want to eat," Haku replied calmly, a warm smile easily crossing his face.

Haku had long since gotten used to Zabuza's gruff manner. When he had been a child it had flustered him, resulting in him making mistakes. Now, he took everything in stride, knowing that Zabuza meant well. True, Zabuza told him often enough that he cared too much to truly be a good shinobi, but Haku liked caring for Zabuza. He liked having that feeling in him. It reminded him that he had a reason to wake up every morning.

Haku lifted the spoonful of broth to Zabuza's lips, being careful not to spill any over the man in the bed.

"Now, Zabuza-san… open wide!" Haku exclaimed childishly, his lips parting in another smile.

"Don't patronize -!" Zabuza began to growl before Haku deliberately shoved the spoon into his mouth, cutting off his sentence.

Haku giggled slightly. In the first few days of Zabuza's bedridden state, this had been the only way to get the older man to open his mouth to feed and medicate him. Now, Haku did it simply to poke fun at the other man. And… it was cute when Zabuza pouted. It was all for his own good, right?

Zabuza struggled futilely. It was mostly for show now anyway. He swallowed more broth, his thoughts in turmoil. He clenched his fists. Why was he feeling this way? His fever must not have broken yet or something…

Haku managed to feed Zabuza a few more spoonfuls of soup without too much resistance, but before Haku could bring another spoonful towards Zabuza's mouth, the older man stopped him with a hand.

"Haku, wait," Zabuza said, sounding more reserved than usual. His heart pounded and his mouth went dry as his feelings and his shinobi instincts fought against each other. How many days had he felt like this now? Too many to count… that much was certain.

Haku carefully placed the spoon back into the bowl.

"Zabuza-san? Is something wrong? Do you feel ill? Should I help you to the bathroom?" Haku questioned the missing-nin gently, his voice betraying his worry for the older man.

Zabuza sighed deeply; the heart he had forgotten he had swelled with selfish happiness that Haku was concerned for him, yet his shinobi-trained brain adamantly rejected these feelings which were threatening to overwhelm him.

"I'm fine, Haku… no, wait, I'm not fine, but not in the way you think and… oh, fuck it! Now I'm starting to confuse myself…," Zabuza said roughly, the words tumbling out as he buried his face in one hand.

Haku didn't laugh, knowing that Zabuza simply needed to think. A worried look was etched into his features as he watched the older man struggle against himself.

"Haku… fuck, this is such a mistake… Haku, I... just… ugh, damn it all, I shouldn't ask this, I'm a fucking _shinobi_…," Zabuza growled in frustration and took a deep breath before continuing. "Haku… what does it mean to love someone…?"

Of all the things Haku was expecting, that was certainly not one of them. He stared openly at Zabuza, at a loss for words. Zabuza glared determinedly at his hands, too ashamed to meet Haku's eyes. The room was silent for quite some time before Zabuza became impatient.

"Fuck. Just forget it, Haku. I must still be feverish; I don't know why I asked such a stupid-" Zabuza began to ramble angrily before he was cut off.

"If you love someone you'll die for them, Zabuza-san," Haku interrupted Zabuza's rant with a soft smile on his face.

Zabuza looked over at the teenager, startled by his response. Haku was looking right at him, and when their eyes locked, time stopped for a mere moment. Zabuza's breath caught in his throat and he swallowed.

"That is how I know I love you at least… Zabuza-san…," Haku trailed off, now seemingly confused that he had finally told Zabuza what he had wanted to tell him all of these years.

The entire scene seemed so anticlimactic now that it was actually happening. Both shinobi were silent as reality began to sink in. Zabuza had always known that Haku was a much more sensitive shinobi than most. He often let his emotions get the best of him. But he, himself… he never would have guessed that he would ever harbor any feelings towards _anything_, whether they were feelings of hatred, jealousy, love… Zabuza's eyes widened as he gazed at Haku. The younger man was starting to look nervous now that he had answered, and Zabuza was finally beginning to comprehend the magnitude of what Haku had said.

"Haku… you… I…," Zabuza searched for words but could find none. Great, his entire vocabulary seemed to have been reduced to that of a toddler's in the course of a few minutes. Fuck. Was it too much to hope for? Was it selfish to love someone the way he wanted to love Haku? Was it stupid to feel pain whenever he had to leave Haku behind? Did it all actually _mean_ something or had he just been alone for too long? These questions tumbled through Zabuza's confused brain as he openly stared at the younger shinobi who was now looking as though he regretted he had said anything at all.

"I'm sorry, Zabuza-san," Haku suddenly said, his eyes flicking to the floor as a slightly bewildered and shocked look painted itself across his face. "I'm… not sure why I…"

Before Zabuza could fully register what was going on, Haku jumped up and escaped through the open window, leaving a wobbling chair and an emotionally confused shinobi in his wake.


	2. Chapter Two

**Note from Kelza: **Hello everyone! Chapter Two has arrived! Hopefully it's enjoyable... I'm in the middle of finals currently, so it took me a few days to get this chapter out. I want to be able to post a chapter every week, though. I'm not sure if I really like the way this chapter came out, but I'm extremely self-critical of myself, so maybe you guys will appreciate it. This chapter is also rather serious and there is a wee bit of angst, but in the following chapters I definitely want to get a bit of humor in... I imagine Haku as a light-hearted but committed person while Zabuza is more dark and depressed. Though, Haku's presence would absolutely give Zabuza a happier view of things, I think. Anyway, I'm going to let you get on to the chapter now, and thanks to those of you who have reviewed so far! I truly appreciate your comments and input!

**Disclaimers: **I do not own _Naruto_.

**Chapter Warnings: **Yaoi

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Haku stared at his reflection in the pond near the small hut where he and Zabuza had been taking refuge. He felt so stupid. Zabuza was always chastising him for being too sentimental for a shinobi and yet… he had still revealed his feelings. But Zabuza hadn't yelled. He hadn't gotten angry at Haku or shown disgust that Haku felt this way. In fact, Haku wasn't exactly sure what Zabuza's reaction had meant. The older man had simply gaped at him, his bewilderment relaxing the strained lines around his eyes. He had looked so much younger in that moment before Haku had run away.

"I'm such a coward… I'll just end up holding him back," Haku whispered to himself, sitting by the pond and hugging his knees. "Maybe he'll just think it was a dream or something… if he asks I can pretend he was delirious."

Haku shivered slightly in the cooling evening air. The sun had almost set.

Zabuza, meanwhile, was finally regaining his senses. Nothing in his whole life as a shinobi had caught him off guard quite like the words of the innocent teenager who had nursed him back to health. It almost made the feeling inside him hurt even more now that he knew Haku felt the same way. He hadn't felt anything like it before. Not like this, at least. It burned inside of him, and pushed him to go after Haku. At one point in his life he would have wanted to stifle that feeling and get rid of its cause, or maybe even completely ignore that it was there; it would have proven he was human. But now, something told him that the only thing to do was go after that feeling. There might not be enough time left to change things if he didn't. In his weakened state, Zabuza didn't have an easy time standing. He clutched the bedpost for support, his muscles twitching slightly as they protested the exertion. Goosebumps appeared on his naked torso as a cool breeze swept through the room.

'Haku… he might be cold.'

Zabuza grasped Haku's coat in his fist and, as an afterthought, put his own on as well. He walked, somewhat unsteadily, to the open window, trying to think of where Haku might have gone.

'I'm sure he went to the pond. He says that that place calms him… he's not far then.'

Zabuza clumsily jumped out of the window and headed in the direction of the pond. The grass felt soft beneath his bare feet before he jumped to the trees, and the fabric of his pants rasped gently with every movement. Gods… he definitely was still too weak to be doing even this much… he broke out in a light sweat as he ran. Luckily the pond was quite close by. Haku probably hadn't thought that Zabuza would follow him. He probably thought Zabuza didn't care. Zabuza twitched at that thought. That hurt more than the cramp that was currently forming in his left thigh as he jumped from tree to tree. No, he would _show _Haku that he cared, damn it. Haku had been his only shred of sanity these past several years, and despite pretending feelings hadn't developed, Zabuza knew that they had, and he had been loath to admit that. Until now. He had this uneasy, prickling sensation that there wouldn't be enough time left to keep skirting the issue if he didn't let Haku know soon. No, something told him there wasn't time to waste, and Zabuza knew he would regret it if something happened before he ever let Haku know…

Haku turned when he heard a noise behind him, tensing and readying the needles which he always had hidden in the sleeves of his yukata. What he saw, though, was the last thing he expected.

"Z-Zabuza… san?"

Zabuza stood a few feet away from Haku, panting slightly, his legs trembling. Fuck, he hated not having his full strength…

"Haku… I thought you might be here."

Zabuza hit the ground with a grunt as his legs collapsed under him, and Haku suddenly snapped to his senses; the forgotten needles made a light tinkling sound as they hit the ground.

"Zabuza-san! You shouldn't be out of bed! What do you think you're doing? You're too weak to be moving around this much yet!"

Haku's hair whipped around as he rushed to Zabuza's side, ready to support him.

"No, I'm fine! Haku, just wait!" Zabuza exclaimed, sounding slightly frustrated. "I need… I need to talk to you. Please."

Haku froze, startled, and his eyes shifted to Zabuza's bandage-less face. Zabuza was remarkably handsome, but the years of being constantly on edge, never knowing when the next attack might be, had taken their toll on him. There were strained lines at the corners of his mouth and eyes now, and there was coldness in his eyes that hadn't always been there. Now, though, Haku only saw a vulnerable man kneeling before him, whose eyes held nothing but uncertainty and apprehension. It was a look he had never seen in Zabuza before, and he wasn't sure what it meant.

"Zabuza-san… what's wrong?" Haku knelt down beside Zabuza, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder.

Zabuza, for a few silent moments, simply stared at Haku, drinking in the image of the younger man flustered, with his hair loose around his shoulders. He was close enough to Haku that he could see the amber flecks in the younger man's eyes. And then, not in one swift and deliberate movement, but tentatively, his whole body trembling, Zabuza closed the distance between him and Haku, stopping when their lips were barely a hair's width apart. Haku sat frozen with his eyes locked with Zabuza's, his heart hammering against his chest. Zabuza brought a shaking hand up to Haku's head, burying it into the younger shinobi's silken hair.

"Zabuza…?" Haku suddenly whispered, as if he were letting out a breath that he had been holding.

The feel of Haku's breath gusting against his lips was all it took, and then Zabuza's lips were pressed against Haku's in a chaste kiss. Zabuza had to suppress a groan at the feel of Haku's soft lips against his, and Haku whimpered slightly as he leaned into the innocent kiss. Almost as soon as the kiss had begun, it was gently broken. Zabuza ran a calloused thumb across the smooth skin of Haku's cheek and then, in a remarkable show of trust, buried his head against the younger man's collarbone. Haku smelled like cherry blossoms…

"Haku…," Zabuza whispered into the cloth at Haku's throat, so quiet Haku wouldn't have heard had he not been so close. "I think I'm in love with you."

Haku gently wrapped his arms around the taller man. His mind was blank and his lips still tingled from Zabuza's kiss. He had no idea what to say to the man who normally showed only a callous and cold exterior. To see Zabuza acting so vulnerable and… confused … it was enough that Haku would believe someone if they told him he was under a genjutsu. Haku's loosely curled his fingers in the fabric of Zabuza's coat as he felt the heat of the trembling body kneeling next to him.

"Zabuza-san… I-" Haku began, not recognizing his own voice as the words left his lips.

Zabuza sat up abruptly, causing Haku's arms to fall away as he fixed the bewildered teenager with an almost desperate stare.

"Wait, Haku, hear me out before you say anything," Zabuza's said quietly, his voice unusually subdued. "I know I sound like such a fucking hypocrite. I always tell you that shinobi shouldn't show emotions; that's not how we're trained. But… damn, I don't know what's wrong with me… I can't even follow my own advice anymore. I always thought I had to kill or be killed. Letting anyone close to me always ended… badly. I don't know if feeling this way about you makes me weak or… puts you in danger… fuck, that's the last thing I want. But when you ran away, I couldn't let you go. A small part of me told me to ignore this and keep up the façade… yet the bigger part of me… _hurt_. I'm trapped between the heart of an empathetic human and the brain of an apathetic killer and I don't know how to balance it. I've always told you that you care too much, Haku, but now I wish it was easier to just give in and let myself care about you like you care about other people so easily. Damn it, you were always right… and I was too fucking ignorant and proud to realize it. Haku, I'd rather love you and die human than live the way I have without you."

Haku's lower lip trembled slightly. In all the years Zabuza had known him, he had never cried in front of the older man. Not even when Zabuza had found him, all alone and orphaned, had he shed a tear. But now, hearing Zabuza's words, all of those bottled-up tears were threatening to escape. While Zabuza had spoken, Haku had sat silently, drinking in the words he never thought he would hear. Zabuza loved him.

Zabuza still kept his gaze on Haku, trying to measure his reaction. Haku's face was blank, his eyes slightly glazed over. Had he made a mistake? Would this end badly? Fuck… he had never wanted anything so badly in his life. Of all the things to screw up… he had never thought he would care so much. His eyes drifted away from Haku's face as he balled his shaking hands into fists against the dry grass. Someone should have told him it would hurt to care. Suddenly, the tense and heavy silence was broken.

"Zabuza… thank you…," Haku murmured before a single tear rolled down his cheek.

Zabuza's head snapped up as his eyes locked on Haku again, his heart thumping wildly in his chest. He lifted a finger and caught the tear before it fell from Haku's chin. Haku blinked at the light touch. Haku was framed in orange and pink light from the setting sun and his hair fell over his shoulders, framing his effeminate face which was marked with a single tear track.

"You are so beautiful…," Zabuza whispered as he gazed at the younger shinobi.

Before Zabuza could take another breath he felt the softness of Haku's lips against his own. This time, Haku had initiated the kiss. He had gained confidence with Zabuza's words and placed his hands on either side of Zabuza's face, feeling the light stubble beneath his fingertips.

Zabuza forgot how to breathe. It took him several moments before he realized what was happening. Haku was kissing him? Oh yeah… that's right, he had confessed his love or something like that… wait… What the fuck? Haku was kissing him and he was sitting there like a limp noodle! With that sudden realization, Zabuza wrapped an arm around Haku's waist and pulled him closer, deepening the kiss, as if to make up for the fact that he had been sitting there like an idiot only a moment before. His other hand buried itself in the dark, silky locks of Haku's hair. Oh, gods… why couldn't he have acknowledged his feelings sooner… if he were stabbed in the back with a kunai right then, Zabuza would still die a happy man.

Haku moved his hands into Zabuza's hair, his entire body trembling with the sensation of their lips pressed together. His center of gravity shifted, and he found himself fully pressed against Zabuza, his weight holding the other man against the ground. Zabuza groaned deeply against his mouth, and Haku felt the reverberations throughout his own body, causing chills to run down his spine. The only thing that broke their kiss was the need to breathe. Zabuza tightened his arms around Haku, their faces still only millimeters apart. Zabuza drank in the sight of Haku's flushed cheeks, swollen lips, and glazed eyes.

"Gods… I can't even explain to you how long I've wanted to do that," Haku breathed against Zabuza's cheek.

"I know… I really do," Zabuza murmured, still in a state of euphoria.

Suddenly, Haku shivered. The air had grown cold, and even the heat radiating from Zabuza's body couldn't protect him from the chilly breeze. Zabuza noticed immediately and, with his hand, located the forgotten coat he had brought with him. He swept the coat up and over Haku, bundling the smaller teenager in its warmth. Haku sat up, smiling gratefully and pushing his arms through the sleeves of the coat. Zabuza, now that Haku had sat up, pushed himself up as well, his exposed skin prickling at the sudden lack of warmth.

"Zabuza, we should get back to the cabin… you have not yet fully recovered from your last battle…" Haku murmured gently, offering a hand to the missing-nin.

Zabuza knew better than to argue with Haku at this point, attempting to stand up by himself before resignedly taking Haku's hand. Haku pulled him up and braced his weight as Zabuza slightly staggered into him, the euphoric high now wearing off and his fatigue catching up with him.

"I'm fine, Haku," Zabuza said gruffly, a slightly annoyed look crossing his face as Haku tried to support him. "I'm not so helpless that I can't stand and walk on my own."

Haku suppressed a light chuckle. Zabuza, as stubborn and proud as always…

"I'm sorry I ran off, Zabuza," Haku said quietly, his face taking on a more serious expression. "It was… cowardly. I just… I don't think I've been more afraid of what the repercussions of my actions and words would be…"

Zabuza silenced Haku with a light kiss, still in shock that he could do something so simple yet so intimate. After a moment, Zabuza pulled back, looking directly into Haku's eyes as he spoke.

"I understand, Haku, and you are hardly a coward," Zabuza said softly. "If anyone is the coward here it's me."

Haku opened his mouth to protest, but Zabuza put a finger to the teenager's lips.

"No, I know it's true," Zabuza continued. "I know you don't want me to say that about myself, but think about it. You actually admitted to me how you feel, and I couldn't even admit those feelings to myself for the longest time. I was too fucking proud. Too convinced that it was unattainable. I was too damn afraid to even give it a chance. I ran away from those feelings more often than you ever did. But you convinced me, Haku."

Haku smiled shyly, leaning into the older man's taller frame, inhaling Zabuza's spicy scent. No words had to be spoken after that. Zabuza simply wrapped his arms around Haku, his proud conscience grateful that he could offer at least this semblance of protection to the younger shinobi. Neither of them spoke for several minutes, both content to be in the other's arms for the time being. It seemed to be such a simple thing, but both shinobi were overwhelmed with the magnitude of what these actions meant.

Zabuza sighed silently and looked up at the stars which were just beginning to twinkle in the sky, feeling an unfamiliar sense of contentment.

Was this worth contradicting everything he had trained himself to be? Was it worth opposing every shinobi ideal and rudiment?

Zabuza looked down at the young man who had buried his face against his chest. A genuine smile twitched at the corner of his mouth.

Yes. It was.


End file.
